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I’m having neck issues today. My neck isn’t cramping but it isn’t exactly normal either. For some reason, the left side of my upper back and the left side of my neck feel pinched and there’s nothing I can do about it aside from taking drugs or getting a massage. I can schedule a massage, but until then I’m stuck here wishing I was at home lying on an ice pack. Woe is me.

Good things so far today: cloudy cool weather which makes me want to stay indoors on the computer as opposed to wishing I was outside frolicking in the sunlight, getting an extra half a pastry (blueberry scone) at breakfast that some kind soul brought to work this morning, knowing that tomorrow is friday and I can go home after work and RELAX, knowing that my work deadline is tomorrow and that I will actually make it.

Is it just me or does anyone else find the katie holmes/tom cruise relationship creepy? They’re all over the news and, when they are shown making out, I have to shield my eyes. Even though katie is just a year younger than me, I feel like I’m watching my 16 year old cousin making out with her best friend’s dad or something. It just seems so icky and tom cruise is getting weirder and weirder.

I don’t know whether or not he’s gay, but this cracked my shit up:

“That guy is so far in the closet he is finding Christmas presents.”

When I get on the train in the morning, my routine goes like this. Drink some water, apply chapstick, get out hat, gloves and thin scarf, put away glasses, stow backpack, don hat, scarf and gloves (if necessary), lean back and try to doze.

Lately, no matter how hard I try, I can’t get away from extra noise on the train. It seems like the early morning gabbers gravitate toward me. Believe it or not, most people are silent on the ride to work. They’re either sleeping, reading, or working on their laptops. Yesterday, I got stuck next to a couple of guys, one of whom discussed his recent move from Sacramento. This would bore me to sleep if he weren’t so enthusiastic about every. damn. detail. Ugh. This morning, a little old lady got on the train and sat down behind me. Her heavy perfume was enough to wake me up in a coughing fit. I got over that though. The thing I did NOT get over was the constant crinkling noise of her unwrapping something for FIFTEEN ENTIRE MINUTES. I swear, whatever she was opening was wrapped in 50 layers of plastic and tape. *crinkle, crinkle, RIIIIIPPPPP* *crinkle, crinkle, RIIIIIPPPPP* I became so curious, I turned around a few times to see what she was opening, but I couldn’t see anything but her poufy hair. After violently swiveling around in my seat two or three times, the crinkling stopped. Fifteen minutes before my stop, I got to relax.

I had indian food for lunch today at my favorite lil hole in the wall indian food place that aasma introduced me to. It is a chain in SF and, although I realize that not every location is like this, the one closest to my office is a hole in the wall with a hole in the sidewalk out front. You have to go around the “do not use sidewalk” sign to get in the front door.

Anyway, it has really good cheap indian food. What qualifies as one serving of food can easily feed two people. Do I share it? Not on your life! I want to take Danny there if for nothing else than to get a ginormous piece of naan with butter pooled in the center. I then gingerly tear off the crispy edges as they cool. Although I can fit the entire entree in my belly at one sitting, I have never finished the naan.

All of this greasy, buttery, crispy goodness is followed by one to two cups of complimentary chai. Oh, and the chai is so good. There is no artificial sweetener on the tables but there is a big bowl of sugar up front with a pile of spoons nearby.

Usually, I’m pretty good about not eating the entire entree at one sitting, but I was not so good about that today. I am now suffering from a severe after-lunch “indian food hangover.” My head is swimming and I feel like my belly is sticking out a foot. The only good thing about being this full at lunch is knowing that I won’t be completely starved by the time I get home at 6:30.

Am I too obsessed with food?

This weekend was just what I needed. It was full of sleep, pizza, and dove ice cream. Mmmmm.

Happiness is…

a hot breakfast burrito
sleeping in on saturday…and then taking an afternoon nap
a huge cup of coffee with cream
the smell of cut grass
a warm breeze off the water
a kitten belly to pet
the last cold soda in the fridge
dove ice cream by the pint
hot-buttered movie popcorn
bare feet on a hot day
fruit salad
afternoon tea
road trips on sunny days
hot, cheesy biscuits
new shoe smell

OMGIAFT - Oh My God It’s About Fucking Time

The weekend is here at last!

Since I’m prone to being dramatic, I can say that this has been one of the longest weeks of my life. Usually when I get home after a hard day of work, I get a snack, lie around, and just chill out for an hour or so. This calms me down and makes me realize that everything IS okay and it IS going to be better tomorrow.

I haven’t felt very depressed lately, just overwhelmed. I’ve felt overwhelmed in the sense that no matter how hard I try to get everything done, there will always be one more thing that needs to be fixed. There will always be time where I could have studied harder. There are times when I could have had asparagus with my meal instead of a large milkshake. Usually, I can blow these things off and just focus on going forward. Lately, these things have been bothering me though. The week stretches on and on and all I want to do is close my eyes and hope that when I wake up a few hours later, the pinching pain in my neck and shoulders will be gone and I’ll be blessed with a jolt of energy to finish my round of homework before my class on Thursday.

I couldn’t fall asleep until 2am yesterday. 2 AM! On most nights, I can barely stay up past 11. I’m having a hard time coming down from the stress level I’ve been maintaining at work all day. Don’t get me wrong. I haven’t worked long hours but I haven’t been fucking around at work either. I’ve been pushing stuff out the door like it’s due tomorrow. Lunch takes 20 minutes tops.

I feel better tonight because I allowed myself to do nothing. Danny cooked me supper and I sat on the couch snacking and petting the cats. I stretched my sore muscles. I put on my pajamas. I called my friends. I feel better physically and mentally because I KNOW I get to sleep in tomorrow, even if it’s only for a couple of hours.

Danny has given me lots of hugs and kisses and says that he’s sorry I’m so stressed out. This is exactly what I need: him to listen to me whine and moan and then make me a box of shells and cheese for dinner. He is awesome.

I need to realize that I’m not a superhuman and I can’t force myself to finish every little task at the same time. These are big tasks. They’ll take a while.

This weekend should be fun. We don’t have any big plans and I’ve set aside plenty of time for studying and cat-petting. And stretching. My back is thanking me already.

Today, I have a backache. It is not just in my upper back but in my lower back too. I’m getting old. *sigh, whine, moan*

Okay, despite the fact that I only got about six hours of sleep last night I’m feeling MUCH better today. Work doesn’t seem so overwhelming and it is getting closer and closer to the weekend.

Yesterday was almost painfully frustrating. Usually, little things don’t get to me unless A: I’m extremely sleep deprived, B: I’m PMSing, or C: both. Yesterday was neither. It was just an annoying day.

It began with a flat bike tire on my way to work. Granted, I got into the office okay but realized when I got there that I would have to leave my bike there since I didn’t have a tire pump at my office. Ok fine, no bike at home.Whatever. Next!

I cut my finger while taping up a box of soaps and other good-smelling body products. I was using one of those tape guns and the tip of my left index finger came in contact with the sharp teeth of the tape gun. Ouch. What was more annoying is that I sliced the end of that fingernail so now I have one really short fingernail. Sadly, this upsets me more than the cut on my finger.

When I got ready to leave, I realized that I couldn’t fit all of the extra stuff I needed to take home on my back and on my bike. My lone bungee cord didn’t allow me to adequately lash my laptop bag to the platform on the back of my bike. Since I had a flat tire, I had no intention of riding my bike with all of this other stuff, but I thought I could at least use it to tow my copious amounts of crap. Instead, I stored my bike near my desk and proceeded to walk to the muni station carrying two backpacks full of books, clothing, and electronics.

I made it to the train on time and began studying for the GMAT. I can actually get a lot done on the train ride home as long as my legs don’t fall asleep from the crossing and uncrossing required to keep the book balanced on my lap. At one point I felt so braindead that I just leaned over and put my head on the backpack in my lap and just stared out the window. How pathetic…

I got home, gave Danny the most serious “I’ve had a bad day so sit and listen to me and pity me” look. He asked me what was the matter and I replied, “I’ve had a bad day. I’m really hungry. I’m ordering chinese take-out. Do you want any?” He said no and then gave me a big hug and asked why my day was annoying.

I guess I really haven’t conveyed why I was annoyed. I’ve just had this overwhelming feeling of exhaustion and frustration when I sit at my desk in the morning. Work hasn’t changed. I think I just need to learn to cope with long periods of stress a little bit better. When I get home at night, I don’t want to leave the house. I want to sit on the couch and eat cookies while the cats sit on my lap and catch the cookie crumbs.

Remember that popular somewhat crappy 80’s band Midnight Oil? I think they were from Australia. Anyway, I was reading some article on cnn this morning that had the phrase “time has come” and that midnight oil song “beds are burning” started playing in my head. Now, it’s stuck there. Now, I share it with you.

I know many people will think of this as sacrilege, but I wish I could purge all of the lyrics from crappy 80’s (and 90’s) music from my subconscious. I mean, why do I need to know all of the lyrics to the Bangles Greatest Hits albums? Why can I still remember the words to Ice Ice Baby or any Haul and Oats song? Think of all of the room I could open up for useful information.

One of the reasons this is bothering me more than usual is that I’m studying for the GMAT right now and it is taking extra concentration to remember simple things I learned in junior high. I was struggling with remembering the rules for dividing fractions the other day and I kept thinking “I know how to do this. C’mon brain. I know you’ve got it in there somewhere.”